Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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