Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
