Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
