i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
