I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
