2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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