I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
