too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
