I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
