it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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