i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
