her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
