Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
