wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
