The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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