I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
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Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
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Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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