the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
