im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
