i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
