I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
In America we eat man semen.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
