ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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