If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
