Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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