I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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