upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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