just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
