An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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