He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
