it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize