Fine. I'll sleep in my office
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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