Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
