Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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