Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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