I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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