Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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