Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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