peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Randomize
