I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
