My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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