so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
