were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
