We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"