If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..