Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
they're like a gay fantastic four
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."