DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
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MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
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He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...