Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Randomize
