I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
