I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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