Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
