The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
then he tried to convert me to islam
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM VODKA MAN
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I touched a dick in church today
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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