She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
