He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
