my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Randomize
