I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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