If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
