I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
