I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
