Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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