I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
