I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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