then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
