NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
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