my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
