Ambien. No doubt about it.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
